Poop Guy

One of our most hated customers is Poop Guy. He comes in almost every night, doesn’t buy anything, just goes to the bathroom and takes a huge disgustingly smelly shit. Then he sits in the self serve computer area and writes on papers and mumbles crazy shit for an hour or two.

Oh, that reminds of another customer, Box Guy (I just made that name up, we just call him “The guy who always wants boxes”). He used to come in wanting our empty paper boxes all the time. We usually gave him some or all of them, even though he never bought anything. Well, we hadn’t noticed him not coming in for awhile, and didn’t think much about it. One day I was in the back on a break, and this dufus comes in our back door and started helping himself to the boxes. What nerve! I don’t know how he even knew where we kept them. I can’t believe this guy. Then the Red Cross called me one day and asked if they could have any boxes we might have. I told them sure, and moved them all behind a locked door. Sure enough, box man comes in and asks if we have any boxes (after not seeing them in the back of course). I told him I was saving them for the Red Cross. He says, “Well, what do they need them for?” What a friggin jerk this guy is! I almost said, “I don’t know, but I’m sure they’ll put them to better use than someone who isn’t even our customer and is an asshole.”

Check out this video:

The Lawyer and His Little Shit

One customer is a lawyer. He is a real jewel! He came in the first time with a big piece of bread in his mouth. He always brings his kid in, and this kid is the meanest little shit ever! He always makes messes. We all hate them both. One night we were vaccuming and he kept pulling the plug out of the wall. His lawyer dad doesn’t watch him at all. He always comes in late at night because he always waits until the last minute to get his paperwork to the court before the deadline. He had us make his business cards, and they were black and yellow. They looked like Halloween cards. I would not hire a lawyer with cards like those. The best thing about this guy is that we saw an article in the paper he wrote where he said he was going to start doing citizen arrests on undercover cops for planting evidence. Yeah, right!