Poop Guy

One of our most hated customers is Poop Guy. He comes in almost every night, doesn’t buy anything, just goes to the bathroom and takes a huge disgustingly smelly shit. Then he sits in the self serve computer area and writes on papers and mumbles crazy shit for an hour or two.

Oh, that reminds of another customer, Box Guy (I just made that name up, we just call him “The guy who always wants boxes”). He used to come in wanting our empty paper boxes all the time. We usually gave him some or all of them, even though he never bought anything. Well, we hadn’t noticed him not coming in for awhile, and didn’t think much about it. One day I was in the back on a break, and this dufus comes in our back door and started helping himself to the boxes. What nerve! I don’t know how he even knew where we kept them. I can’t believe this guy. Then the Red Cross called me one day and asked if they could have any boxes we might have. I told them sure, and moved them all behind a locked door. Sure enough, box man comes in and asks if we have any boxes (after not seeing them in the back of course). I told him I was saving them for the Red Cross. He says, “Well, what do they need them for?” What a friggin jerk this guy is! I almost said, “I don’t know, but I’m sure they’ll put them to better use than someone who isn’t even our customer and is an asshole.”

Check out this video:

The Lawyer and His Little Shit

One customer is a lawyer. He is a real jewel! He came in the first time with a big piece of bread in his mouth. He always brings his kid in, and this kid is the meanest little shit ever! He always makes messes. We all hate them both. One night we were vaccuming and he kept pulling the plug out of the wall. His lawyer dad doesn’t watch him at all. He always comes in late at night because he always waits until the last minute to get his paperwork to the court before the deadline. He had us make his business cards, and they were black and yellow. They looked like Halloween cards. I would not hire a lawyer with cards like those. The best thing about this guy is that we saw an article in the paper he wrote where he said he was going to start doing citizen arrests on undercover cops for planting evidence. Yeah, right!

Terrible Night

Last night was terrible! We had a huge order to run and only three people at work. Of course, since we were short handed a million dipshits came in. If we would have been fully staffed it would have been a ghost town. We joke that people wait accross the street to see when we’re busy. This goofy mf brought in four tires to ship. He spent an hour there trying to put cardboard on them and left a total mess. I hate this job!

Video Says it All

Possibly the Dumbest Customer Ever

Some Asian guy tonight (who wouldn’t even try to send a fax himself) was talking to the fax machine. It was hilarious!!!! When the fax machine dials you can hear it, and this guy thought there was a person on the other end. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any funnier, he actually picked up the handset on the machine and tried talking into it. HA! HA! HA! What a moron!

Another guy, who may have been drinking, asked one of us if we do production work as a hobby. Yeah, we all have $5000 copy machines in our living room dipshit! Making copies is so much fun that we do it all day and night.

I wish I worked at this Kinkos:

Professors and Students

Some of the dumbest people are professors and students. These dumb frat boys and sorrority chicks (sorrostitues we calls ‘em) are so dumb they can’t make a copy, yet they’re in college and will probably be making good money some day. The professors are dipshits too, only they’re bigger assholes about everything.

What’s funny, is even our ads show how dumb our customers are! Check this out! (Probably a true story!)

Easter

I just found out we have to work Easter. That’s bullshit! The only people who should be working on Easter are Jesus and the Easter Bunny. Who will be making copies on Easter? I’m in the process of starting my own company right now. I can’t wait to quit this job! I have only worked at Kinkos for 6 months. I took the job because I just moved from another state and needed a job quickly so I could start my website business.

More genius customers tonight… A lady asked if a 4 x 6 photo was an 8 x 10. That’s just dumb! Common sense! Have you seen a ruler lady? Do you use the metric sytem? Then she wanted to make them lighter. I told her (and even pointed) to the brightness button. She pointed to the contrast and said, “This one?” Then I would go to help someone else and she would yell across the room, “I need help over here”. I’ll call Dr. Kevorkian lady, he’ll be right over!

Copy Boy

Copy Boy is a running joke we have. (Read with Teddy Roosevelt type voice) “Copy boy, come here and do our bidding!” People treat us like assholes. If you want us to help you, please be respectful. When people treat me bad, I just screw up their stuff or pretend I don’t know what they’re talking about! Or take a really long time to do it. Some people are real jerks. I told one customer that we had to have a street address to ship his package. He said he didn’t give a damn what I needed. So I shipped it anyway and took his money. Who knows if it ever got there got there?! Like my co-worker says, “Hello name tag, goodbye dignity”!

Copyright

Another big one is people that want us to copy copywritten material. A lady was just in the other day who wanted us to copy a bunch of old albums. When informed that we could not do it she was flabbergasted. “You mean these old albums are copywritten?” One was Simon and Garfunkel. Both of whom are still alive and collecting roaylties. One guy wanted us to reproduce a whole magazine. Number one, since color copies (on regular paper, not to mention gloss magazine paper) are $.49, it would cost more to copy than to just buy another copy. Number two, it’s illegal.

I’ve been to this Kinkos. I used to live in Hollywood. I can only imagine what kind of customers they get!!!

Fed Up with Kinkos Customers

I work at Fed Ex Kinkos, and we have to deal with the dumbest people on Earth! One guy couldn’t spell the name of the company he worked for while we were looking up his account. I don’t know how many times I have been asked how to send a fax. Come on! What century is it? It has instructions on the fax machine. Duh! Or, “Can I make a color copy from a black and white copy?” Yeah, sure genius. We’ll have the magic color fairy come and fill in all the colors in your black and white copy.

I’m sure people are this dumb everywhere, but we do alot of stuff at Kinkos. Copying, Binding, Passport Photos, Shipping, Computers, Software, etc. So there are many more dumb questions we get than a restaurant, for instance, would. Alot of it is just that people want us to do their stuff for them. Sorry, but I’m not faxing your papers dummy.